Valentine’s Day is stressful. You have to find the perfect gift, card, outfit, and restaurant for your special someone.* Being subjected to those horrible chores presupposes you even have a special someone. If you don’t, the stress and heartburn of V-Day can be ratcheted up a thousandfold. How do you find a suitable date quickly? Register for one of the many online dating sites/apps? Try video dating? Design a ridiculously exhaustive questionnaire like the character in this book? Troll the mall or bus station for hotties?
Luckily for you, the library has once again set out to make your life easier by solving your Valentine’s date dilemma. No, we’re not auctioning off dates with library employees, though if I ever run out of material for this blog, we may have to just so I can pan that gold mine. Better yet, we’re fixing you up with companions that are far superior to the lousy humans with whom you usually romantically affiliate yourself: books. The eligible bachelors of our “Blind Date With a Book” display are guaranteed to deliver a stimulating Valentine’s Day. Each potential suitor is wrapped to conceal its title and cover, so you Superficial Simons and Simones out there can’t discriminate based on looks; your selections must be made purely on the perceived merits of each book’s dating profile, which contains its age, physical attributes, interests, turnoffs, a statement about where it wants to take you, and a succinct summation of its character. Here’s an example:
Once you find something you think will rock your literary world, check it out with all the thrill of anticipation that comes with making a new connection and none of the nagging fear of rejection. Then, take your date home to unwrap and enjoy at your discretion. We hope your book beau or babe provides you hours of between the covers entertainment. When you’re done, come back to find another sweetheart, judgment- and guilt-free. When it comes to books, playing the field isn’t just accepted, it’s encouraged.
*Actually, you don’t really have to do any of those things. Valentine’s Day matters only to the extent you choose to allow it. Personally, I’m with Ellen.