Yesterday, we held our annual birthday celebration for Dr. Seuss. With whimsical, Seussified décor, crafts, games, and snacks (including the best cookies this side of Whoville), plus a walkin’, talkin’ Cat in the Hat portrayed by yours truly, it’s always a flimfabulously fun, Seussical celebration. It got me thinking, though, about how libraries tend to go all out recognizing the good doctor’s birthday, but we rarely boogie down for other authors. I brainstormed some party ideas, some more realistic and desirable than others, for a few soiree-worthy writers:
-J.K. Rowling – This one’s obvious: It would just be a big Harry Potter party. Many libraries would love an excuse to bust out a sorting hat, quidditch tournament, and, of course, all the Every Flavor Beans, chocolate frogs, and butter beer attendees could handle.
-Stephen King – Complete with terrifying topiary animals and hedge maze, a Pennywise-style clown to make guests float, and buckets of pigs’ blood rigged to drop on everyone every hour on the hour, this would be one horror-rific shindig.
-Gillian Flynn – This one would start out like a run-of-the-mill party, but halfway through, all the guests would be framed for murder.
-James Patterson – A giant, golden statue of James Patterson would be garishly displayed in the center of the room, and all plates, food, and party favors would be boldly marked with Patterson’s name. Meanwhile, the person responsible for actually doing the work of planning and executing the party would stand meekly in a dimly lit corner, ignored by all.
-George Orwell – This would be a drab affair with no-nonsense decorations like the sign pictured above. Everyone would be required to express nothing but admiration for the party, which would take credit for all parties that took place before it. Any photos that captured events of the party in an unflattering light would later be doctored to make things appear appropriately festive (this is basically how things work in real life with all pictures posted on Facebook). Anyone speaking ill of the party would be removed and brainwashed.