September is National Library Card Sign-Up Month, which means we’re going to do the same thing we do every month and try to get cards into the hands of as many literacy-lovin’ citizens as possible. In case you needed any convincing that a library card is the premier deal in the vast realm of sign-upage, here’s a brief set of rankings for and rundown of the benefits of some things for which people commonly sign up:
10. Extended warranty – Pay extra money for something you’ll probably never need. How could you lose?
9. Timeshare presentation – I’ve never sat through one of these, but from what I’ve heard from friends/seen on TV, no amount of free skiing/resort stays/swag makes them worth it.
8. Gym membership – Pay money every month for an obligation to lift heavy things and sweat.
7. Columbia House Record Club – Eight CDs for a penny sounds like an incredible deal, but that fine print is a killer. Sadly, they no longer sell CDs, but do sell DVD and Blu-ray movies.
6. Credit card – A magic rectangle that allows you to spend money you don’t necessarily have. There’s no way this can possibly go wrong.
5. National Do Not Call Registry – Sometimes, signing up to not get something is the sweetest incentive of all.
4. KISS Army – You get to say you’re in an army, but there’s way less life risking and way more rock ‘n’ rolling all night.
3. United States Army – You get to say you’re in the army, which comes with the satisfaction and pride of protecting your country.
2. Blizzard Fan Club – I just found out this club exists, and I’m still not entirely clear on how it works, but I’ll sign my name to almost anything that gets me free ice cream treats.
1. Library card – An absolutely free magic rectangle that grants you absolutely free access to millions of books, audiobooks, movies, TV shows, e-readers, computer usage, maker technology, enriching and entertaining programs, and a team of people dedicated to helping you with your information needs. Without question, one of the best things for which you’ll ever sign up. I you haven’t already, do it this month, or any month hereafter. It’s pretty much always Library Card Sign-up Month up in here.